The Cage Match We Want to See

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Published on Tuesday, 19 April 2011 10:04

Written by Chase McGee

"The president says, 'I want you to send me a clean bill.' Guess what, Mr. President. Not a chance you're going to get a clean bill." – John "The Orange Bawler" Boehner

This was an oft-quoted line in all the major media outlets relaying Speaker Boehner response to Barack "The Pushover" Obama's request to produce a bill raising the debt ceiling devoid of any riders.

Maybe you've caught it, or maybe you're unfamiliar with the overly dramatic, unrepentant world of wrestling, but Boehner's arrogant center-ring posturing is powerfully reminiscent of a brash, leotard-wearing body slammer. It occurred to me, as well, that we should embrace this notion of politics-as-wrestling and introduce some common elements.

Speech Busting –

When Boehner stepped to the microphone, loudly and contemptuously pronouncing his intention to (once again) fight tooth-and-nail the President's agenda, he knew that the only recourse his opponents had were to wait for their moment in the camera light to respond in-kind, avoiding any public face-to-face interaction that might lead to a more productive discussion.

What if, instead of manipulating the public discourse by casually reading his sound byte to be repeated over and over on the evening news, suddenly the lights dim and "Hail to the Chief" begins to play. President Obama marches in with his entourage and as the crowd cheers (or jeers,) he steps up to his own podium (this will have to be placed there during his entrance… the logistics are still messy) and casually remarks to Boehner, "And why is that, Speaker?"

Would this inevitably lead to an immediate deflation of pomposity? There is no guarantee. Yet, it does seem relieving to think that more politicians would be less inclined to spout a loaded statement bereft of respect or substance if they had the constant and nagging concern that their words may not be left to linger long enough for them to enjoy the safety of a "no further comment."

Ring-side seating –

I'm quite sure that the only record we have of the budget negotiations are the simple sound bytes I mentioned in the preceding paragraphs. Rife with bullshit about whose fault it is and who has the American People's (see Stop Calling Me the American People by Chase McGee) best interests at heart. No minutes were made available, no C-SPAN-esque midnight showing – just the perennial political posturing that follows every piece of backroom legislation where everyone can claim a bit of the "victory" and also chastise the stalwart maneuvers of the opposing party.

How about instead of this closed-door discussion that arbitrarily decides the general direction of America (and implicitly, the best interest of the "American People,") all discussions of such a profound magnitude (budget, foreign policy, ie. Libya) be held in a forum where perpetual surveillance is fundamental to the discussion. We're not talking the halls of Congress; by furtively darting into the seclusion of the White House chambers when the floors of Congress would have sufficed, our representatives have lost their privileges to have a venue of their choosing. We need stadium seating (Hell, we can charge admission) in a massive Madison Garden-like arena where every word, calculation, and opinion is subject to scrutiny. The responses would be, indeed, measured and political, but at least the wary eyes of democracy will have a diminishing effect on the otherwise cavalier suggestions that assuredly take place in the comfort of a windowless room. As an added bonus, any post-posturing would be unnecessary and hopefully met with a "What the Hell, man? We were there."

Tag Teams -

Party polarization in this day and age is sickening. I understand that there will always be an ideological divide in politics, but when such a disparity reaches a point marked by derision as opposed to compromise, hyperbole in place of reason, and anger in place of composure, we have arrived in stasis – we cannot move on our own objectives if we spend our entire wealth of energy fighting the opposition's.

Instead of taking on "The Great Recession" and Debt "Armageddon" Ceiling on by ourselves, there needs to be an outstretched hand by the side of the ring looking to contribute to the fight in a meaningful way. Looking at today's grudge match, it looks like one party is being bludgeoned while his tag team partner looks on and asserts he's doing it wrong.

Most of the nation understands that there is not going to be a clear and painless solution, but much of the comfort being sacrificed is clearly an effort by the GOP to kill two birds with one stone. This is not compromise, this is blackmail. With outright mistruths about Planned Parenthood and lousy shots at the EPA, the Republican Party is standing on top of the pile of rubble we call the economy, announcing a promise of a solution "just so long as the Democrats will be willing to bend a little."

To suggest that only one party proffers self-serving misdirection would be a disservice to reality, but in the scope of the "best interests of the American People," wouldn't it be nice for BOTH of them to cut the crap?

True Democrats want to tax the rich, keep the social safety nets, and pull back our foreign engagement. Republicans want to reduce taxes to the upper echelons, greatly reduce our current budget for social safety nets, and keep a strong presence in "The War on Terror." Now that we've cut through any obfuscating bullshit:

LLLLEEEEETTT'S GET REAAAAAAAAAADY TO RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLEEEE!

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